How to Be A Cheapskate

Bleaders, I'm worried about you, and here's why: you're not saving enough money.

I am posting, for your edification, a 2005 chart on worldwide household saving rates. Korea: 10%. Thailand: 18.7%. India: 24.3%. U.S.: 1.4%


That's right, people. The richest country in the world, with one of the most pitiful savings rates going. (As a side note, I can't believe Canada saves as little as we do. I always think of them as being the more thoughtful, civilized version of us.) I don't want to hear your excuses. Cost of living, blah, blah, blah, kids need to get into Harvard someday so they need those lessons, blah, blah, blah, I need those clothes to look good for work, yak, yak, yak. If you're some single mom working two jobs to support your three children and making $28,000, this rant is not directed at you. You are excused. Go make yourself a hot chocolate and take a load off.

For the rest of you, I am going to give you a piece of advice: stop spending so much money. What? You say you don't make enough to save? Let me ask you this: do you have cable TV? Premium channels? Do you buy more than one pair of shoes a year per member of your household? Do you go on vacation, somewhere that involves a plane? Then I don't believe you. Neither does Japan (7.4%) or Germany (10.7%).

Fellow wage slaves, none of us know what the future holds, but I can guarantee you this: some emergency is going to come up where you will need savings. You or your spouse are going to get injured and be out of work; your car will need extensive repairs; your kid will need braces. And no matter what, you are ultimately going to retire, and hopefully live a long time after that. And you're going to need cash, and lots of it.

So here's some advice from a lifelong thrifty person on how to start saving.

1. Buy stuff used. Thrift stores aren't for everyone, and I won't claim that they'll solve all your problems, but it's worth everyone's while to try to buy big items used: appliances, computers, etc. Unless you are a freelance graphic designer, you don't really need a brand new computer, and getting one a year or two old will save you tons of cash. I got a used breadmaker at a yard sale for $5.00. Works great. Delicious, delicious bread.

2. Drive an old car. It's a complete waste of money to buy a new car. It loses value as soon as you drive it off the lot, and the insurance is crazy high. God forbid you're paying it off in installments and paying all that interest. (Don't even tell me, my heart can't take it.) Save up $5,000, buy the best fuel-efficient and reliable car you can afford, and drive it into the ground. Plus, if someone keys your car, you don't even care. Bring it on, vandals! Your attack means nothing to me!

3. Buy quality items that you'll hang on to. If you're making a big purchase, like a piece of furniture, buy something classic that will stand the test of time. That way you won't keep buying the same thing over and over again. I like to buy older used furniture because I find it's more well-crafted than most contemporary stuff, plus (if you can keep kids and pets away from it) it doesn't actually decrease in value like that lame IKEA bookshelf you spent four hours putting together. The same goes for clothes. Avoid purchases that you know are going to be easily identified from a certain period of time (blazers with fringe on the lapels, anyone? Skirts that come down to a point?) and take good care of what you buy.

4. Don't make shopping your hobby. Shopping isn't a hobby. Gardening is a hobby. Chess is a hobby. Find something to do that doesn't cost you money. When you've got some free time, don't go over to Zappos and check out the new shoes. Don't cruise Best Buy looking for new DVD releases. Join Facebook and find your old friends. Got for a run. Learn French (from the tapes you checked out from the library, of course.)

5. Think of excuses not to buy stuff, instead of the other way around. Instead of your usual internal dialogue about how that jacket is going to really be the last black jacket you ever need, so it's totally worth the expense, turn that conversation on its head. Think: I already have two black jackets, and getting another one is not going to improve my life. But at some point I might really need this $60. Pass.

6.Learn to cook. You'll eat better, save money, and it qualifies as a hobby. Plus, it's actually not that hard.

7. Think about what the old version of you will think of your purchases. When I picture old Nancy Matson shaking her bony index finger at current me because I frittered away thirty-five bucks on a throw pillow while she's picking pennies off the sidewalk to buy a cup of coffee, it gives me pause. That old lady scares me.

Have a great weekend!