Comments on Workin' It: Workplace bitterness: parents v. non-parents

I've been on both sides of the issue. Personally, ...

2008-08-12T07:24:00.000-07:00

I've been on both sides of the issue. Personally, I have not witnessed many parents being given special treatment. If anything, they may have negotiated the terms of their employment (hours, telecommute) to accommodate their family needs. in other words, they may be leaving early, but that time is being made up elsewhere.

In my own experience as a working mom, I was terminated because of my family obligations. I had negotiated my hours before accepting the job. All of my work was completed on time. But my coworker (who was extremely slow) complained that she was doing "all of the work", because I had an earlier shift. That was pretty unfair.

I do agree that it's "unfair" when working parents are allowed to leave early to handle other responsibilities on a regular basis. Guess what? Life isn't fair.

If you don't like how your boss handles things, have the nuts to tell him or her. Or, you have the option of finding another workplace that is not so lenient.

And when the day comes that you do decide to have children, or need to care for a sick parent or friend, you'll probably wish you had that leniency back.

Well, this could be argued back and forth into ete...

2008-07-18T22:11:00.000-07:00

Well, this could be argued back and forth into eternity...

To riff off your earlier statement of "If she knew that was required going in, and I had to work 10-12 hours a day alongside her and she left after eight," then one could also say that a childless person who accepts ANY job must also accept the likelihood that parents in the office will not be as available as they are to do the work.

Anyway, my point is that this is just the reality of life. Similarly, I've been in situations where I've had coworkers who had a lot of (legitimate) health problems and thus took time off frequently, so I had to cover for them. Annoying? Hell yeah. But I'll take extra work over poor health any day. I'd also take extra work over having kids. :)

I'm saying that I don't think I should have to mak...

2008-07-18T20:23:00.000-07:00

I'm saying that I don't think I should have to make up for the work of someone else because they're a parent and I'm not. I'm not saying parenting isn't a ton of work; I'm not saying it's wrong to make the choice of parenting over working extra hours if you can get away with it. What I'm saying is being overtly asked to do work that is assigned to a parent (which was clearly the case in the post I cited) is unfair. Is it selfish not to pitch in to help out a parent who has other obligations? I guess you could interpret it that way. But why is not wanting to do their work for them any different than not wanting to go over on the weekends and babysit their kids? I'm sure they could use the help, but if they're not friends of mine, I don't see that as being my responsibility.

Well if I may... I think there's this sense in you...

2008-07-18T19:37:00.000-07:00

Well if I may... I think there's this sense in your post, and your reply, that somehow parenting doesn't require a TON of work in and of itself. I know that's not how you really feel, but it's rather self-centered to think, "If Mary Mom gets to go home after 40 hours while I work and slave the 50 that's been unofficially asked of me, so that she can feed and bathe and care for her children, then that's not fair to ME because I'm working more!" You catch my drift?

More flexibility for everyone!!

2008-07-15T12:22:00.000-07:00

More flexibility for everyone!!

My whole point, though, is that your mom then wasn...

2008-07-14T21:14:00.000-07:00

My whole point, though, is that your mom then wasn't being treated unfairly -- she was being treated exactly like everyone else. That would seem fair to me in principle, except that I happen to think it's quite unfair to ask anyone to work 10-12 hour days, parent or not.

That said, if she knew that was required going in, and I had to work 10-12 hours a day alongside her and she left after eight, I'd be annoyed, too. And I'd want credit for working those extra hours.

Though not a parent myself, I've witnessed a great...

2008-07-14T21:01:00.000-07:00

Though not a parent myself, I've witnessed a great deal more unfairness to parents, especially at startup company. People with family responsibilities are often pressured to stay late at work to get the job done instead of tending to their children. This happened to my mother a lot during the 1980s. She would be among the eldest employees, and though she always put in her 40 hours, often she felt like her job was threatened, and certainly her work was criticized, because she didn't work the 10-12 hour days that her younger, unmarried, childless coworkers did. Just sayin'.